HOW-OF-WHY

©2006, Michael John Moynihan, all rights reserved

WARNING
THIS ESSAY INVOLVES THE ART & CRAFT OF COMEDY & POLITICAL SATIRE.
YOU MAY NOT GET IT OR IT MAY OFFEND YOU.
IT ALSO CONTAINS A VARIATION OF THE CLASSIC BLUE JOKE "THE ARISTOCRATS".

READ ON AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION

"I know there's a lot of speculation that these reports in Washington mean there's going to be some kind of graceful exit out of Iraq. This business about a graceful exit just simply has no realism to it whatsoever. We're going to stay in Iraq to get the job done as long as the government wants us there." - President GWB

John Kerry has more credibility than GWB in every single regard,
except one.
Telling a joke.
Kerry flubbed a punch line and the Republican'ts all wet themselves.
The GWB puppeteers should be very familiar with jokes
That would be because they all are the human embodiment of a joke.
Except for Roving Karl, that is.
Karl is a dirty, filthy, nauseating obscene joke.

BUT just about everything that GWB has ever said or mouthed is a joke.
Were he on a tiny small town comedy club stage, he would actually be sorta funny.
But he is on an international stage.
And his jokes result in public policy as well as thousand of human deaths and injuries.
Those are also dirty, filthy, nauseating obscene, pornographic GWB jokes

Lets diagram the joke above.

The introduction or set up:
"I know there's a lot of speculation that these reports in Washington mean there's going to be some kind of graceful exit out of Iraq"

The body or build-up:
"This business about a graceful exit just simply has no realism to it whatsoever."

And conclusion or Punch Line:
"We're going to stay in Iraq to get the job done as long as the government wants us there."

Now this particular punch line is filled with multiple payoffs
depending on the listener's interpretation.

By "We're" who is Bush referring to? He is not there, but American soldiers are.

"get the job done" means what? Kill everyone? One faction or the other? All factions but one? All Americans? All Iraqis?

"as long as the government wants" Which government? The USA? The Iraq government.
If the government in a democracy is the people,
does it mean as long as the American people wants?
The majority do not want. "us" there.
The people of Iraq? The majority of the people of Iraq do not want "us" in their country.

So the question basically boils down to a version of "Who's On First?"

And the Kerry punch line holds up "then you end up in Iraq".

Solving John Kerry's joke telling problem is easily solved.
Hire Gilbert Gottfried to travel with him and when a joke is to be told,
turn the stage over to the professional.

GWB's problem is a little more difficult to solve.
When everything you say is a joke, well, it just isn't so funny anymore.

Here is the joke that Kerry and every Democratic Presidential wanna-be should tell in every speech:

A talent agent is sitting behind his desk when George Bush, his wife Barbara and his sons George W. and Jeb and George W.'s wife Laura enter his office.
The talent agent looks up and says, "Yeah, whatd'ya want?"
Bush is a little nervous, but he enters, followed by his family.
Laura is carrying a boom-box.

"Have I got an act for you, sir," says Bush.
"If you sign my family we'll make you the richest agent in the entire world!"

The talent agent's heard it all before, and shakes his head in disbelief.
"Fella," the agent says, "Everybody who's come through that door promises me the same damn thing.
Besides, I don't sign 'family acts."

"Oh, but we're different from any family act you've ever seen before!" Bush claims.
"Our act is special!"

The talent agent resigns himself and sighs.
"Okay, buddy, you have one minute. You guys better impress me."

"All right!" Bush exclaims. "Laura, cue the music."
Laura then puts the boom-box down and hits "play," and a Sousa march starts playing.
The whole family starts dancing, jumping, turning and balancing on one foot, and then the mother and sons start doing flips around the room.

Then Barbara forcefully grabs George, rips off his clothes,
and then starts deep yelling at him while spanking his butt.
"Act like a MAN" she screams. "Show me the money", she yells

George W. and Jeb begin to have a contest to see who can execute the most convicted felons, pushing and shoving each other into the walls.

Laura rips off her own clothes and begins passing out fist fulls illegal drugs to everyone.

The men then proceed to squat and defecate all over a small globe, yelling at each other to kill the unbelievers and do the Lord's work.
The two wives soon the join in.

George senior grabs a big handful of steaming hot, wet broccoli and rubs it all over his face. He starts yelling "Mommie! Mommie! Oh, Mommie!"
while the son's and wives laugh so hard they begin to choke.

Jeb suddenly throws up.

George W. quickey takes out a copy of the Constitution and spreads it out
and they all vomit all over it.
The whole family is exhausted, but then they dump several buckets of money
and five cans of oil and gasoline all over the mess on the floor.

Whoever still has any clothing on, has it ripped off of them
and they all begin drinking bottles of hard liquor
and rolling around on the big disgusting mess on the floor.

Suddenly as if on cue, they all become absolutely still for three seconds.

They then jump to their feet, turn to the talent agent and yell, "Ta-daaaah!!"
Then they take a deep theatrical bow.

The talent agent is beyond words.

After a long pause he's finally able to talk again and he says,
"That is a hell of an act!"

The family just smiles back at him while patting each other on each other's butts.

The agent continues, "I gotta know, what do you guys call yourselves?"

George Bush senior snaps his fingers in a grand theatrical gesture and says,
"The Aristocrats!"